Meeting Places

Amazing.  4 months since my last post...120 days filled with dizzying urgency, frozen pizzas and little sleep.  Thank God for His grace and sweet presence through it all!!
 
Tonight, I re-read all of my prior posts.  Tears of worship flowed as I lost myself again in the treasure of recounting His Faithfulness to me.  This path of perseverance has forever changed me.  In some ways, it has utterly ruined me.  For one thing, I can hardly spend a few minutes in fellowship with Him before the waterworks begin.  Jesus has drawn too close, said so much and filled more valleys than I even imagined existed.  Truly, He is indescribably wonderful!
 
In this post, I want to re-visit the tools for my journey of perseverance and share the revelation that hindsight has afforded me with respect to those basic practices of the Christian faith.

 During long, isolated days I fought for my faith and pressed in for answers from heaven, armed with the familiar tools from my many years raised in Christ.  Like a carefully crafted recipe for miracles, I filled my days with times of worship, reading my Bible, soul-bearing prayer and quiet meditation.  I translated my thoughts and emotions into pages upon pages of journals.  I read books on healing and prayer. (This excerpt is from my previous post: "The Journey of Perseverance.")  
 
Worship, The Word, Prayer, Journaling, Music, Quiet...Once served as life preservers for my daily battle.  Through these disciplines turned into desperate grasps for hope, my God met with me and filled me with what I needed from Him. I tasted and saw that the Lord is good. (Psalm 34:8)  As I struggled daily to reach out for more of what Jesus had for me, He began to answer. 

The revelations grew.

Jesus met me at my need.  He proved Himself Faithful, Loving and Strong.  I learned the most life-changing truth that has challenged every fear or doubt that has ever since tried to usurp His work in my life.  Here it is...I hope you catch it to your very core. 

He always answers with more than we ever imagine to ask for.  God does not look over our checklist of urgency and cross each item off as a balanced system of asked and received.  NO!  He answers with Himself!  His presence!  He alone is the Healer, Deliverer, Savior, Restorer, Liberator...insert whatever you need here!  When we bring our needs to Him, He brings every part of Himself to our situation...not just a fragment of Himself that answers our request.

Oh, I how can I adequately describe this revelation!?

Do you need Breakthrough?  Seek Him!  Invite Him to show up.  Whatever your circumstance, God desires to fill your life to overflowing 'rivers of living water.' (John 4:10)  He will not fixate on your one area of urgency.  No...He will fill every part of you to overflowing, so much that your need will ultimately transform.  You will simply need Him.  All else will become grossly insufficient.  Even if your trial remains, your soul will soar on wings like eagles. (Isaiah 40:31)

Worship, The Word, Prayer, Journaling, Music, Quiet...and now, in more recent years, Fasting. Tools for my seeking journey of perseverance. Now, they have become keys to unlocking the mysteries of who He is.  Meeting Places...These disciplines have graduated for me, from steps or rituals to altars...gateways to His heart...to His voice...to His presence.
 
My purpose has shifted from self-preservation to "laying hold of that for which Christ Jesus laid hold of me!" (Philippians 3:12)
 
Same tools for the Journey - Brand new perspective!  Once dry and sometimes painful (sacrifice) ...now deep, mysterious and transformative.  He is the goal!  The Prize!  The Reward!
 
If you need any encouragement as you read this post, please allow me to offer my most enthusiastic and sincere plea for you to forge ahead through whatever cost required of you to see Him.  In my wild flare for the dramatic, I imagine myself returning from the adventure of a life-time, only to stand at the ticket counter wide eyed and a bit obnoxious, beckoning others to dare to take the trip.  "You have to go!  You don't know what you are missing!  It's worth everything you have!  You will never be the same!...
He guarantees.
 

 

His Character Became my Hope

God NEVER sees our trials from this perspective.

Surely, you can identify with the draining cycle of ups and downs when answers delay and mountains tower.  Hope proves exhausting, and victory eludes imagination.  All energies divert to forward shields to survive the abundant onslaught of the enemy's arsenal.  [Yes, I am a sci-fi fan :)] 

During this same season of solitude, when God met me, I continued to struggle with good days and bad. Through many tears, my epiphany came.  I realized that I lacked the strength in my own character to hope any longer.  I reached the mortal limits of my ability to imagine relief for my suffering.  Hope stood torn between two aggressors;  Dry barrenness mocked my prayers while floods of grief clouded my worship.  Yet His Faithfulness never left me.

However, His Faithfulness, present with me, magnified my lack of an intimate understanding of His character.  I craved to experience His Love, Peace, Strength, Glory...anything that would describe Him in tangible, life-changing ways.

This revelation of the many facets of His Awesome Character became my reference point.  Whatever I endured, I sought to know Him.  I GAINED HIM...oh so much more than physical comfort!

Here's what I wrote in my journal during this time of both weariness and refreshing:

 "I had an overwhelming sense of need that God transformed

into an overwhelming sense of gratitude as He proved Himself again and again."

[Please bear with me.  I find the finite nature of pain much easier to retell than the 'surpassing  greatness of knowing Him.' (Philippians 3:8) As I stare at the blinking cursor here, I struggle for the right words to capture the essence of all He has been and done for me.]

Somewhere during this journey, Jesus graciously helped me hope beyond my own ability.  This naturally positive, optimistic, high-energy girl, somehow fell into waters too deep to tread alone.  Precious saints prayed me through, and He honored my honest admission that I needed Him to do everything.  I had nothing left to offer.  In fact, I never had anything to give that He didn't first supply. 

Over the course of days, weeks, months and years, the Lord has continued to renew my hope with glimpses of His Character.

View of the Niagara Rapids

His Strength:  Shortly after college, we visited Niagara Falls.  Determined not to miss a thing, I submitted to a wheel-chair.  As we crossed the Niagara River,
I bristled at the overwhelming power of the river as it crashed and roared all around us.  Seated in the wheelchair, the current stared me down at near eye level.  I opted to stand on the bridge to relieve this anxious feeling.

 

Weeks later, during a time of worship, I recalled the event with spiritual eyes.  The Lord showed me the Great, Rushing River as His Mighty Strength and Power.  I imagined myself again in that wheelchair, stranded on that bridge.  As if viewing from high above, I saw the puny limitations of the disease that bound me.  God gave me such a life-changing perspective of His Strength versus my mountain.  At His command and without challenge, the breakers of His waves can violently sweep away any danger I face.
My faith will never be the same.

His Joy:  This encounter with Jesus may seem childishly trivial to some of you...in many ways, I too recall this memory with the same judgment.  Yet, Christ did beckon us to approach Him as a child...
Some time after the Niagara trip...maybe months...I enjoyed an evening at home alone in worship.  On the road to recovery, my times of solitude grew fewer as my strength slowly returned.  Yet, in my stubbornness to delay medical treatment, I had paid dearly.  I lost significant strength in my legs.  Not only did I fall constantly, and without much grace I might add, but I struggled tremendously to stand from a seated position.  Pregnant women sprinted to their feet in comparison to my clumsy dance of arms and legs rocking back and forth, trying to gain enough power to defy gravity and rise from that comfy couch I knew better than to sink into! 

Joyful, Childish Freedom

On this particular evening, I sat playing my piano and worshiping the Lord.  I can't recall exactly how it all began, but suddenly, His presence flooded me with so much joy!  Without even thinking about the process, I quickly stood from my piano bench in one easy motion... Realization kicked in...
  I stood up!!!  Normally!!!

  So, I did what anyone would do.   I shrieked and repeated the event, shrieked and repeated, shrieked and repeated, etc.  So overcome with His presence and a divine rush of joy, I turned on a lively worship cd and danced and hopped all over the house...also a glorious miracle.  I sang and shouted every praise I could think of.  The weeping began and I spent the evening worshiping and laughing with Him. 

Oh the freedom, the tremendous release of liberty in His Joy...
I will never be the same.




His Peace:  Just over three years ago, our family endured a season of heartache and uncertainty.  Fully confident of God's providence and purposes in the midst of our trial, I never doubted the security of our future and hope.  In this hardship, I wrestled more with matters of the heart.  Anger and unforgiveness, like unwelcomed guests, seemed to weasel into my thoughts, my conversations and even my prayers.  They plagued my mind constantly, forcing me to fight back with every weapon I had.  Bitterness pushed on the door to my heart, and with all my strength I pushed back to keep that door closed. 

Weeks turned into months.  The trial remained.  God provided.  Breakthrough, however, waited.  I did not want to entertain strife, but I lacked the character in myself to shut the mouth of the Accuser who constantly reminded me that my grievances were justified.  One evening in prayer, I simply said,

"Lord, I need your peace.  Give me Your peace to quiet these voices."

I am not exaggerating.  In that moment, I began to sing this simple song.  He just downloaded it into my spirit and with it He filled me with His peace.  [I wish I could give you the melody as well...It is so sweet.]

 

Your time

In Your way

I can wait and trust and pray

I will worship You today

And I'll say...

Your time

In Your way

I'm seeking first Your kingdom come

Until Your will be done

And I'll say...

(Go back to the beginning...repeat as long as you need.)

This song came straight from Jesus to me, and it calmed my internal storm immediately.   
With the same hush of a rainbow that whispers His promise, He comforted me deeply every time I sang this song in the months to come, until the storm finally passed.
I still sing it whenever I feel stressed, worried, frustrated, vulnerable...weak.  His Peace gives me hope and I will never be the same.

I'll close this post with a scripture.  My journal wears this passage repeatedly like a beacon for dark and uncertain days.  I have posted this verse throughout my home, carried it in my purse, and shared it with friends and family in times of crisis.  He has often answered my honest cry for help with these eternal words.

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you.  I said, ‘You are my servant’;  I have chosen you and have not rejected you.  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

- Isaiah 41:9-10

P.S. Not sure what to title my next post. Working on it already...Praying for you as you read this!

Blessings!

New Post On its Way!!

I do apologize for the long delay since my last post.  Life has been a circus, but praise God, things are changing for the better!  Yesterday, Mr. Wonderful treated me to an evening alone to do whatever I wanted...so I began my next post!  Curled up in a comfy chair at Starbucks, enjoying a hazelnut mocha and sweet jazz, I nearly finished my next section of this blog.  [Unfortunately, I probably looked like a pathetic mess in the corner... I practically bawled my eyes out as I recalled  both the pains and the triumphs of my journey.]

 I am almost finished with the next post.  However, I must shut off my computer now and get some much needed sleep!!!

Thank you for your encouragements and inquiries.  I appreciate your prayers as I carefully put together segments of my story.  Thank you. 

Keep watching for the next post, "His Character Became My Hope."

                                                                                                                                    Blessings!

God Met Me!

I am so ready for SUMMER!

Hello everyone!  It has been too long since my last post.  Life is careening down what feels like a slip and slide of craziness...mostly fun w/ a few bumps and bruises we can laugh over.  I recommend re-acquainting yourself with my last post before reading this one.  The extra minute or two will be worth it to fully identify with what I share here.  As always, thanks for reading and sharing with loved ones who may need encouragement on their journeys of perseverance.

Back to "God Met Me!"

2002
 Weeks of solitude passed.  Every morning, Mr. Wonderful (a.k.a. Thom) kissed me on his way out for a full day of classes and work, and my coffee pot then began to beckon me from the kitchen.  "Wake up!", it would chug.  "You can do it, dearie."  Another fragrant puff or two of steam called to me and I reluctantly abandoned my dear friend, The Bed and followed the scent to its origin with a wobbly shuffle. 

 

[The programmable coffee pot is an invention inspired from heaven for sure! 

Lord knows mine remains, to this day, the most effective way to get me out of the morning argument with myself over how long I can negotiate staying under the covers that, miraculously, are more deliciously comfy after I have wrestled in them all night.]

 

 

One morning, not unlike so many before, I stumbled from my bed to the kitchen.  Bleary eyed, I poured my first cup of joe and made my way to the chair that I had reserved for my morning coffee with Jesus; a tradition that I still enjoy to this day.  Sitting with one leg tucked underneath me, holding my hot cup with both hands as I sipped its sweetness, I watched life flourish outside the window of my private isolation.  Spring bloomed more each day. 

 by Mr. Wonderful



 

The birds sang with joyful chatter this 

particular morning.  My gaze followed their flights and landings as they chirped and sang their morning songs to their Creator. 

 

As I watched the birds, I remembered that Jesus talked about them...
  

 

"Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

Luke 12:24-26

 

 Unexpectedly, that one little thought exploded into overwhelming revelation!  How do I adequately retell what transpired???

 

He showed up...Jesus...the One who I had been praying to, crying out to, worshiping, seeking...

He showed up.  His Faithfulness enveloped my entire, frail being and I wept; overcome with the weight of understanding that He loved me, that He was with me through it all.  Worship and prayer poured forth from me through rivers of tears as I released years worth of burdens that I had blindly stored up and carried.  His tangible presence lingered and filled me with fresh breath and peace.

 

Even now as I retell this story, I am transported back to that precious moment.  Jesus visited me that day with His Faithfulness.  Somehow, in that encounter, I fully realized His steadfast Faithfulness.  I will never be the same.  No matter what mountains I may face, I know with all that I am that my loving God is Faithful to me. 

 

Back to Romans 5:3-5 and my journey of perseverance.

This revelation propelled me down my personal path of Faith.  Seemingly, for years I crawled along in the street smarts of suffering and perseverance with a textbook understanding of Hope.  I fought the good fight and did everything I knew to do in order to move forward.  Then, over one cup of coffee, His presence launched me into a new race with greater destinations altogether.  He restored me.  He showed me His character.  He gave me Hope.

 

 

Remember now...this was still 2002 and I was still very ill.  I have so much more to tell you!!! 

Next time, I will share more from my personal journal entries during this season in my journey when

 His Character Became My Hope.

 

 

 

Have you read all of my posts so far?

• Intro to Paths Through the Sea
• My Story that Started it All
• First, The Pain Weighs In
• The Slimy Pit
• I Cried Unto the Lord
• The Journey of Perseverance

The Journey of Perseverance

It has been several posts now, and I want to re-insert the scripture that titles this Blog.  This passage so vividly describes many years of my journey through illness.

Psalm 77:19

"Your path led through the sea,

Your way through the mighty waters,

though Your footprints were not seen."

"Staging Ground" - taken by Mr. Wonderful

With fresh faith and a sincere desire for understanding, I began the journey of perseverance. I determined to intentionally live, think, speak and believe what I knew no matter what I saw.  Outwardly, I had become so frail that I spent most of my time home alone while the world passed me by.  This solitude, once my tormenter and constant reminder of grief now transformed into my hiding place of refuge, provided the staging ground for wonderful places in God's presence.

Oh, but did you catch it?  I said my solitude laid a staging ground.  Weeks would pass into months before I began to see the Lord's footprints walking my path with me.

Eagerly, I started my new quest for Hope armed with the familiar tools from my many years raised in Christ.  Like a carefully crafted recipe for miracles, I filled my days with times of worship, reading my Bible, soul-bearing prayer and quiet meditation.  I translated my thoughts and emotions into pages upon pages of journals.  I read books on healing and prayer.

All of this began out of desperate need and pain.  Actions of obedience to what I believed that continued to sharply contrast what I saw and felt. 

"Persistence Through Resistance" - Taken by Mr. Wonderful

I can recall a morning of prayer, very early on in this fresh determination to seek God for breakthrough.  I knelt and wept for what seemed like hours.  I worshiped, prayed the Word and waited in quiet peace, fully aware that He bent His ear to hear my cries.  In that same memory, I think on the next morning when I knelt to pray and felt completely void of anything productive to say or do.  Monotony cruelly taunted me that all was futile and shrouded my imagination of the future. 

How many times could I pray the same prayers, sing the songs, recite the scriptures?

...How long could I wait?

Yet, I stubbornly refused to submit to defeat.  What alternative did I have?  I could not give up.  The ONLY hope I had was to forge ahead.  EVERY day, I unpacked my weapons and wielded them with as much strength as that day could muster.
The pain constantly fought back and challenged my path.  It was difficult.  Draining.  Dry.  Painful.

It seemed pointless.  Exhausting.  It only seemed to magnify my need.

"His footprints were not seen..." 

I'd like to close this post with a song that the Lord gave me much later in my Journey.  It begins with my heart's cry during this deeply painful time of waiting on God to answer.  However, you will see a foreshadowing of the story to come of how God Met Me.

Remember

Remember Your Word to me
You said that You set me free
You promised to use me for Your will
 
And now I am waiting here
In desperate humility
Father I'm asking once again
 

          Fulfill Your Word to me

          Every word to me

          Let the passion of my heart be restored

 

          Fulfill Your Word to me

          I'm lost in the waiting hours

          Lord - You are God!

         You are God!

         Fulfill Your Word

 
I remember the day so free
Your Faithfulness came to me
You promised to make me what You will
 
And now I am waiting here
A moment of frailty
Father I know You're Greater still
 

          Fulfill Your Word to me

          Every word to me

          Let the passion of my heart be restored

 

          Fulfill Your Word to me

          I'm lost in the waiting hours

          Lord - You are God!

         You are God!

         Fulfill Your Word

 
You are God!  You are God!
Everlasting!  Everlasting!
You are God!  You are God!
Everlasting!  Everlasting! 
You don't grow weak. You don't grow weary.
I hope in You.  I wait on You.
Renew my strength for I am weary.
You are God!  You are God!
Fulfill Your Word.


Trust me when I say, HE IS FAITHFUL!  Next time, Oh....I cannot WAIT to tell you how

God Met Me!

 

Have you read all of my posts so far?

• Intro to Paths Through the Sea
• My Story That Started it All
• First, The Pain Weighs In
• The Slimy Pit
• I Cried Unto the Lord

I Cried Unto the Lord



"Perseverance" by Mr. Wonderful



This post tells of my heart's cry to the only One who could rescue me

from both disease of the body and distress of the soul.







Psalm 18:6 (NIV)

"In my distress I called to the Lord;
    I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
    my cry came before him, into his ears."

 

The mounting years of waiting for healing and answers conflicted daily with my foundation of faith.  I identified with David's petitions to God for deliverance, refuge and strength.



"In you, Lord, I have taken refuge;
    let me never be put to shame.
² In your righteousness, rescue me and deliver me;
    turn your ear to me and save me.
³ Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go;
give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress...

⁵ ...For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord,
    my confidence since my youth."

                                                                                                           - Psalm 71:1-5

In 2002, entrenched in bible college and in ministry, I believed the worst was behind me...Then, another relapse caught me off guard.  I delayed medical treatment as long as possible to avoid the medication's side effects and suffered greatly for my pride.  What I labeled faith became stubborn arrogance as I attempted to force the Almighty to heal me.

Thank God for His precious grace and mercy, even in my greatest hour of childishness! 

By Divine Appointment, I bought a book called "Praying God's Word" by Beth Moore. 
[I HIGHLY recommend this as a resource to anyone!] 
 

In her book, Beth translates the scriptures into personal prayers for the reader to apply to various trials and battles of life.  Through her teaching and use of Scripture like a weapon, I finally got a foothold on the wall of the pit. 

I confronted the reality of my situation with the Truth of His Word and held on for dear life.  He responded with a lifeline and lifted me out of the pit and onto a path.

Still, the trial remained...but I began to change.

My Turning Point
 On a day like so many before, I sat at home - alone, weak and struggling, studying God's Word for hope and answers.  Instead, I found questions in Romans 5.

^3" Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,

because we know that suffering produces perseverance;

 ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope.

 ⁵ And hope does not disappoint us,

because God has poured out his love into our hearts

by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."

I understood how suffering produces perseverance and perseverance, character...

But how in the world does character produce hope? 

Curiosity got ahold of me.

I had tasted suffering.  Against my will I was learning perseverance.  The next monument on my journey read "Character" and I had no idea how it would lead to what I felt slipping through my fingers... "Hope." 

In that moment of awakening, I realized the whole of my circumstances laid right before me in this one verse...

My Path: 

Suffering --Perseverance --Character--Hope

My Destination: 

God's love poured out into my heart

My Guide:  Holy Spirit

Although the trial raged and I outwardly grew weaker and more frail, my inner man, now free of the bondage of despair, began a quest toward something greater. 

I felt alive with anticipation at the mysteries that laid ahead of me. 

...More on those 'mysteries' next time!

In the opening of 'The Slimy Pit', I remarked that "the descent into and the battle out of Despair remain constant."  Although the thought of fighting for freedom from the depths of sorrow seems overwhelming and discouraging, I want to spark a glimmer of anticipation in you as you read this post.

 

Yes, the path out of the pit is a battle...

 But that battle is the staging ground for miracles, victory, triumph, joy that leaves you speechless and a fresh awakening of your soul to the true essence of hope!!!! 

 

 

Your key to these glorious, promised spoils of war?...
You cannot win...

Without the supernatural, unmatched power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead, you cannot overcome the pit. 

The pit is designed by your unseen adversary to entrap you beyond your own strength to clamor out of its grasp.  Only the One Whom the grave could not bury has the weaponry and strength this battle will require.

 “Listen...!

This is what the Lord says to you:

 ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.

 For the battle is not yours, but God’s."

- 2 Chronicles 20:15

 

Undoubtedly, you now wonder "How then, do I fight a battle that I cannot win?"

 You cry out to the Lord...Your Champion.

 

 

 

 

More on the Journey of Perseverance coming Soon!

 

Have you read all of my Posts so far?

 

• Intro to Paths Through the Sea

• My Story that Started It All

• First, The Pain Weighs In

• The Slimy Pit

 

 

 

 

The Slimy Pit

I have discovered the secret path to the Slimy Pit.  Though its depths are unknown and its dimensions seem dark and unsure, the descent into and the battle out of Despair remain constant.

Unlike a well which securely promises a clear drop to the bottom to any who carelessly tread, the Slimy Pit cleverly disguises its descents so that its victims fall captive to its realms slowly, unaware of the dangers to which they succumb.

Somewhere along my journey, I wrote the following words to try and express the depth and the direction I saw my path leading me...a path to the Slimy Pit that began with the Reality of Pain.

Pain Interrupts - plans. thoughts. hopes. beliefs.
Pain Disrupts - strength. Peace. Happiness.  focus. rest. purpose. passion.  FREEDOM.  quiet.  Breath.  HOPE.
Pain Brings - Weakness.
Weakness Causes - dependency.  insecurity.  FEAR.  waiting.  loneliness.  ISOLATION.  Loss.
Loss Births - longing.  sadness. resentment.  hurt.  ABSOLUTES.  questions.  PAIN (see above).

"I like to call this one "Life & Death"

All of this so overwhelms your  daily existence, that seeking God becomes

life & death for your faith. 

 "This either works or it doesn't.  He's real or He's not.

  He cares or He doesn't." 

(absolutes.)

Pain...Weakness...Loss...if left unchallenged by FAITH, will spiral the soul into a pit.

Pain Steals - Hope.  Future.  Desire.  Purpose.  Mind.  Thoughts. 

Pain Distorts.  Despair.  Terror.  Desperation.  Anger.  Resentment.

Weakness Transforms.  Victim.  Forgotten.  Multiplies...more weakness.  Atrophy.

Loss without Faith brings Suffering.  Withdrawal.  no vision.  Bitterness.  pity.  More loss at your own hand.  grief.  prison. 

All these many years later, and it still pains me to re-write that journal entry.  Pain changed me and weighs heavy on my perspective of life's ups and downs.  All of life's woes must now measure against the depth of misery once lived.  Likewise, and a gift born out of loss, all of life's joys become triumphs...a celebration in light of the former days of sorrow.

My path through the mire of pain, weakness and loss challenged my faith constantly and demanded a close inspection of what I held dear and True. 

 Initially, through at least 3 cycles of relapse and remission, I wrestled with the seeming dichotomy between the understanding that Jesus heals and the reality that I was losing serious ground with this disease. 

For some reason, God was not doing everything I fully believed and expected Him to do.

Confused, hurt and afraid, I faced my faith with new eyes.  

I reached a low point.  In all sincerity, it flat-out-hurt to pray for healing anymore.   I KNEW He could heal me if He chose...so why didn't He?  A nagging uneasiness that this was all about timing crept over me.  I simply had to wait.

Equally humbling was the new identity with which this disease shrouded me.  Words like 'handicapped' (this was almost 20 years ago so that word was still ok) and 'disabled'...hung over me like a rain cloud.

 In my immaturity, I resented all attempts by loving people to help me or even to encourage me.  I just wanted my old life back...my former glory...when people used to look me in the eye and didn't fumble around me for words or to awkwardly offer help whenever I struggled with mundane tasks.  

"Mr. Wonderful caught this view
of a foggy sunrise."

I cried...I wept myself numb.  

I resolved.  I failed.

I turned inward.  

I wrapped myself in my grief and turned inward still.

I suffered.  

I realized...I fell.

The Slimy Pit.

In hindsight...

 I see that my experiences with the Slimy Pit proved exceedingly shallow and short-lived when compared to others' journeys.  I am forever grateful to those precious saints in my life who prayed me through, loved and encouraged me and challenged me to stay the course of Faith and to 'count it all joy.'

  I still believe a complete healing awaits me and I so desire all of you to have a front row seat!

Coming Up Next...

"I Cried Unto the Lord."